I’m searching for meaning inside my despair, inside my confusion, amongst the rubble of a life blown apart.
And it’s beautiful really. To not know where one is, to be lost inside the up, between the down.
Maybe I’ve had too much rum, or maybe it’s the subtle sounds of Sade tantalizing my soul, but I just don’t know who I am anymore.
I’ve built a life on a philosophy, on one way of looking through and into the world. I’ve now come to realize that I was wrong, that I was missing so many variables in the equation.
I missed the most important thing of all: honesty with myself.
So let me lay it down here in words for everyone and no one to see: I want a home, I want a place to rest on this earth and feel like I belong. I want a partner, to journey through life with, someone who can laugh with me and hold me and search for truth with me. I want my daughter, the little soul I have yearned for since before I can remember. I want purpose, I want to wake up and feel that I can contribute to the world around me, to the consciousness of mind and matter moving through time and space.
But most of all I want the Goddess; I want the divinity of the universe to whisper herself through me, touching my heart, blessing my eyes and hands. I cannot bear this separation any longer. I need to know that She is with me for I cannot go on without Her.
So I’ll wait. I’ll wait until I can feel Her in every cell of my being, in every breath that I take and every pulse that pounds through my veins.
I cannot go on without knowing that we are One. The Goddess and I.
More than all worldly pleasures and acclaims, I want to be divinity in action, truth in motion, heart in surrender, and love on fire.
Take me now Goddess; I am nothing without you.