I had one of those moments today where your inner self, the soul beneath your ego, reminds you of who you are. I was on the elliptical at the gym (I know, so mundane!) and I was thinking about an upcoming trip and how I would be received by others, what they would think of me, etc. and all of a sudden a realization hit me…it didn’t matter what went down in the outside world, what occurred or didn’t occur, what I got or didn’t get, the understanding that I am my own source of equanimity blossomed over me and I felt a deep and steadfast commitment to my own life. I laughed out loud! Aha! It was so refreshing to fully feel the truth that I didn’t need someone else out there to love me or like me or even approve of me. Thank God!
Whatever happens out there, in this big, crazy world of humans, I am fine. I don’t know if I’ll get all that my heart desires or if the kind of life I am hoping for will ever manifest…and it’s okay. For now, it’s okay to be right where I’m at. I’m a single gal living in a medium-sized town, working with teenagers, hanging out with friends, going to dance class and writing this random blog that I highly doubt that anyone even reads. (Lol) Ah, how refreshing to be ordinary, to allow myself to just be where I’m at and not place any high ideals on a future life. I don’t know how things are going to play out for me, or even if it matters that much. I was taught growing up that in order to be somebody, to do something important with my life that I had to have a grand plan and follow that plan through and through. Well, maybe plans are meant to be remolded like clay, and perhaps the life I am creating now is a much better version than the life I thought I was meant to live. Whew!
The simple, the mundane, the real magic of just being here; rooted.